Trying to Live
by Willowcharm
Summary: New summary: The story of Harry's struggle to live a normal life in spite of fate and Dumbledore.
1. The Worst Birthday Ever

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J K Rowling and not myself.

Trying To Live by Willowcharm

Chapter 1 - The Worst Birthday Ever

Eleven year old Harry Potter swept effortlessly through the sky on his brand new Nimbus 2000. Suddenly he dived towards the ground as if he had spotted something down there. At the last moment he tried to pull his broom upwards but unfortunately he had mistimed it and crashed into the earth below. He lay there winded for a few minutes then rolled over and looked up only to meet the furious gaze of his father.

'Get up.' Harry struggled to his feet still clutching the broomstick. As soon as he was standing it was snatched out of his hand, his father grabbed him by the collar and propelled him wordlessly in the direction of the house. Only when they had arrived in James Potter's study did the angry wizard speak again.

' I obviously made an error in choosing your birthday present this year.' The words were spoken quietly but Harry knew by his father's tone that he was in deep trouble. This was confirmed as James continued. 'You mother gave her life for you and you go and risk your neck trying out tricks that most professional quidditch players couldn't manage! Well you won't be seeing this again until next summer at the earliest.' With a flick of his wrist he had his wand out and vanished Harry's pride and joy which he had only possessed for a couple of hours. Then almost before Harry had a chance to take in his loss his father summoned a slipper , flung Harry face down over the arm of an easy chair and treated his backside to a dozen extremely hard swats. When he was done he pulled his son upright and said 'Get out of my sight.' Trying to stifle his sobs Harry left the study and made his way up to his bedroom, where he spent the next hour or two holding on to a picture of his barely remembered mother and whispering 'Sorry Mum.'

Back in his study James Potter sat in his chair and stared into space . Ever since Lord Voldemort had murdered his wife and tried but failed to dispose of Harry he had raised the boy with enough love for two. The only times James really got angry were when Harry did something which put himself at risk of being hurt. Then he always saw red. But he hated it when things weren't right between them.

James barely noticed when the embers smouldering in the fireplace flared up, but he couldn't help but see when two figures emerged from the green flames and stepped into the room. 'What's wrong, James?' asked Remus Lupin when he saw the sober face of his friend. 'Yes and where's the birthday boy?' added Sirius Black.

James groaned and told them briefly of the mornings' events. Typically, Sirius rose at once to the defence of his godson. 'What! You can't take his broom away for a year. I want to race him. Please Prongs, you have to let him have it back!' Remus was more disapproving of Harry. 'Really, Sirius, you can't blame James. I mean, a Wronski Feint at his age! I'd probably have spanked him myself!' James smiled at the thought of the gentle Remus laying so much as a finger on Harry. Rather than get involved in a dispute he turned to other matters. 'I think lunch should be ready by now. Let's go to the dining room and Nibby can get Harry down.' With that the three friends left the study.

Harry had started to doze off when he was brought back to awareness by a house elf softly shaking him. 'Master Harry! Master James says Master Harry is to come down for lunch now please. Master Harry is to hurry up!' Not wanting to annoy his father anymore today, Harry got up and made his way downstairs. Outside the dining room he was met by James who put an arm on his shoulder. 'We'll say no more about this morning , he said quietly. If you behave for the next three weeks you can have your broom back for a week before you start Hogwarts.' 'Thanks Dad,' said Harry quietly. Then James opened the door and they entered the dining room.

'Happy Birthday!' Harry was swept off his feet by his god father and twirled around. 'Sirus!' Harry complained . I'm not a baby anymore!' Sirius just grinned. 'Happy birthday Harry!' said Remus. We'd thought we'd find your presents when we go shopping this afternoon. 'Shopping?' asked Harry. 'On my birthday?' 'Yes, shopping.' replied James. 'I think if you read this you'll find you need quite a few things.' And he handed Harry an envelope addresssed in green ink. 'My Hogwarts letter!' exclaimed Harry and he ripped it open and read it with glowing eyes. Even though he had known it was coming soon his excitement at finally receiving it was undiminished. The three adults looked on indulgently for a couple of minutes and then James brought his son back to the present. 'Time to eat now.' he said. 'Or we won't have time to get everything. Harry grinned and they all sat down for the birthday lunch.

Once they were all satisfied Harry burst out 'Can we go now?' The men laughed. They could understand Harry's impatience as it was a rare treat for him to be allowed away from home. Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizadry had informed James that he believed Lord Voldemort to be still out there somewhere, albeit incapacitated. He also thought it best that Harry be kept apart from the wizarding world in general as many people looked upon him as a hero since Voldemorts' killing curse had rebounded off the infant boy and apparently detroyed the evil wizard. It was however understood that Harry could go shopping for his school things.

'Let's get organised then' said James. Before they had even stood up however a phoenix appeared in a flash of flame , dropped a letter in front of James and disappeared as it had arrived. James tore open the letterand read it , a frown forming on his face as he did so. What is it ?' asked Remus. James sighed and looked at Harry sadly as he replied. 'Dumbledore doesn't want Harry to go out into Diagon Alley ' he said. 'He's sent a portkey so that he can go to Ollivanders for his wand but wants one of us to get the rest of his stuff.'

'It's not fair!' yelled Harry, his lips quivering slightly. 'I never get to go anywhere or do anything! This is the worst birthday ever!' And he turned away from the others and ran towards the door.

Reviews gratefully accepted.


	2. Buying a Wand

Well here it is, chapter 2. All reviews will be greatly appreciated. And Harry Potter is still owned by J K Rowling.

Trying to Live by Willowcharm

Chapter 2: Buying a Wand

For a couple of minutes after Harry stormed out of the dining room there was silence. Then James picked up a glass from the table and flung it against the farthest wall where it shattered into hundreds of pieces.

'I don't suppose we can ignore Dumbledore and just take him anyway?' tried Sirius. 'We could, except that the meddling old man's told me that he'll be out and about in Diagon Alley himself this afternoon' replied James, fury edging his voice. 'Remus, can you take this and take Harry to get his wand?' Sirius and I will go now for the rest of his stuff. Maybe we can find some small present to make up for Harry's disappointment. That's what Dumbledore suggested.' Remus winced at the heavy sarcasm lacing James' voice. They all knew that it was unlikely any present could compensate for the lack of a normal life which was what Harry wanted above all else.

Remus took the small button James gave him and made his way to Harry's bedroom. He found Harry sitting by the window wiping tears from his face. 'Where's Dad?' he asked Remus. Remus smiled slightly. 'Downstairs throwing a tantrum,' he told the boy. 'I thought he'd be up to give me a lecture about not feeling sorry for myself.' mumbled Harry. 'It's what he usually does when I complain about not having a life. I can't wait to go to Hogwarts. I'll be allowed to make friends there and do the same as everyone else.' 'So you don't count me as a friend?' teased Remus. 'Remus! You know I didn't mean that!' exclaimed Harry. Remus just laughed. Come on, let's go and see what sort of wand you want.' he said, and held out the button. And as Harry touched the Portkey he felt a tug and the couple were pulled away to somewhere completely different.

They were in a quaint little shop with piles of long thin boxes lining every wall. Harry had barely taken in his surroundings when an ancient looking man emerged from the back. 'Remus Lupin,' he said quietly. Your looking much healthier than when you came here for your wand.' Yes, James pays me quite well for tutoring young Harry here.' replied Remus. 'Ah yes, Harry Potter. I was expecting to see you soon.' The old man's eyes seemed to bore into Harry's. 'It seems like only yesterday that I sold your mother and father their wands. Now, what sort of wand would you like? Or, I should say, what sort of wand would like you?' As Mr Ollivander spoke he started measuring Harry with a tape which seemed to take on a life of its own and do all the work on its own. Then he started taking down boxes from the many stacks. When he had a selection from around the shop he took a wand from ane and gave it to Harry. 'Just give it a wave. 'You'll know all right if its the one for you.' Nothing happened when Harry waved that first wand and the result was no different with many subsequent tries. Then Mr Ollivander opened another box and murmured 'Hm, interesting, very interesting.' As soon as Harry waved that wand a shower of sparks flew out of the end. 'That's it!' exclaimed the old man. 'What's interesting about it? ' asked Harry. 'That is a brother wand to that of He who must not be named' was the reply. Holly and Phoenix feather.Strange indeed that you should be the one to claim it.'

Remus then paid a handful of Galleons for Harry's wand and once again held out the button. Soon the two were back in Harry's bedroom. 'What do we do now?' asked Harry somewhat plaintively. Remus glanced at his watch. 'Well, it might be a while before your dad and godfather return. I think we have enough time for a short Muggle History lesson.'

'It's my birthday.' said Harry confidently. 'I don't do lessons on my birthday.' He knew better than to rise to the bait.

'Sorry, I forgot. Okay then, how about chess?'

'But you always win!'

'Scrabble?'

'You win that too. Monopoly!'

'Done!' agreed Remus and they migrated to the dining room to play the magically enhanced version of the muggle game. When James and Sirius apparated in a good while later they howled with laughter to see James handcuffed and shackled, while Harry sat hidden by mounds of toy galleons, sickles and knuts.

'Sent to jail for bankruptcy again?' You really must learn to manage your finances better.' teased James. 'Here, Harry catch!' With these words he threw a small package at Harry, but, surprisingly for one who had been a chaser on the Gryffindor quidditch team, his aim was bad and it flew over Harry's head to fall on the floor behind and split open. Harry turned to see something small and golden fly up and out of the window.

'Damn!' said James. 'That was your extra present. I'll just have to give you your broom back so you can go and retrieve it before tea.' Fortunately he had expected the force with which and ecstatic Harry flung himself on his father. As the two left together to let Harry ride once more upon his Nimbus 2000 Sirius was left to free his other friend before they too went outside to watch the fun.


	3. Schooldays Arrive

Disclaimer: Unlike J K Rowling, I do not own Harry Potter. Now on to Chapter 3...

Trying to Live by Willowcharm

Chapter 3 : Schooldays Arrive 

In the weeks following his birthday, Harry followed his normal summer routine. Whether or not his father was out at work, Remus would come over to tutor Harry. Since Harry was confined to his home on Professor Dumbledore's orders, James knew that it was essential to keep him well occupied. So even in holiday periods the mornings were given over to lessons, although Remus didn't push Harry too hard at these times. He also tried to make holiday lessons slightly more interesting by doing things such as reserving the most exciting parts of history, muggle or wizarding for them.

Now that Harry had his school textbooks, Remus advised reading through them all briefly. He also suggested that Harry read the potions textbooks fairly thoroughly. James agreed when he heard this and explained briefly to his son.

'The potions master at Hogwarts was a particular enemy of Remus, Sirius and myself when we were at school. I'm afraid that he might be rather prejudiced against my son. Also, he is head of Slytherin house and favours his own students, I've been told. Your highly likely to be in Gryffindor like our good selves. So it would be best if your not totally clueless about potions when you get to his class'.

So Harry spent his mornings working and in the afternoon he was free to do as he wished. Which meant, more often than not, riding his broomstick. His godfather Sirius would regularly appear at some time in the afternoon and would join Harry in the sky. The nearer September 1st came the more excited Harry got. He knew nothing of the outside world at first hand and was eager to learn, starting with a journey on the famous Hogwarts Express. Then on the morning of August 31st another letter arrived from the headmaster. Sirius and Remus were present as well as James and Harry, since they wanted to spend a final day with him before he embarked upon his magical education. dread filled them all as soon as the phoenix appeared. Harry stopped eating his breakfast and looked on as his father silently read the bad news.

James decided that it was no use to delay the inevitable and told Harry quietly, 'Your not to go on the train tomorrow. There's a portkey here to take you straight to the school at half past six in time for the sorting.'

'Why?' asked Harry softly. 'Why can't I be like others? Why can't I live a normal life? Why can't you just ignore Dumbledore and let me be normal?'

'Because, son, I could never forgive myself if you were killed because I ignored the advice of the greatest wizard I know. I don't like Dumbledore's orders regarding you, and I never have. But he is right about there being supporters of Voldemort who want him back, and who would regard killing you as a sure way to their master's right hand side. If it were just that you might be the 'One with the power to defeat the Dark Lord', I would try not to let it rule our lives. But I can't deliberately give you a freedom that is likely to lead to your death.'

Harry had of course heard this, or a similar explanation many times. He got up from the table and walked to the window, where he stood looking out, while trying to blink away the tears that were threatening to spill out from his eyes. His father, godfather and tutor knew what he was feeling, and allowed him a minute to compose himself. Then James suggested that they all spend the morning flying. 'And possibly the afternoon too.' he added. 'After all, first years aren't allowed to bring their own broomsticks, so you need to catch snitches while the sun shines!' This met with Harry's approval and the rest of the day passed pleasantly. It was agreed that Sirius and Remus would stay overnight and spend the next day with James and Harry as well, since there was no train to catch in the morning.

Twenty past six the following afternoon saw Harry sitting on his trunk in the dining room fidgeting nervously. Remus had left the room aminute ago, promising not to be long. He returned holding something covered in a brown cloth.

'This is from Sirius and myself,' he told Harry. Harry removed the cloth to reveal a cage containing the most beautiful looking Snowy Owl. He leapt off his trunk to hug first Remus and then Sirius. Then his father spoke.

I have something for you too, Harry. I found it very useful when I was at school. Helped me out with plenty of mischief, it did.' And he handed Harry a soft package. When Harry opened it to find a silvery looking cloak he gave a gasp of surprise.

Your invisibility cloak, Dad! But don't you need it?'

'I haven't used it for years, son,' his father replied.' I do know how to perform an invisibility spell now, after all. But I advise you only to let your closest friends know about this. Okay?'

'Okay,' echoed Harry. And then suddenly time seeemed to have run out. there was a quick flurry of hugs and goodbyes and then Harry sat back down on his trunk, now clutching the cage with his owl whom he had quickly christened Hedwig. James handed him the gold button and at six thirty precisely Harry was pulled away from the home he had never left since he was a year old to arrive in the grand entrance hall of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He had scarcely a moment to look around before he was claimed by a witch in a green robe.

'At last, Mr Potter.' she said crisply. 'Come along, now. The sorting's already started and you mustn't miss your turn.' And she ushered him into what Harry knew must be the Great Hall and propelled him to the end of a long line of students. A fair haired boy was just replacing a worn out old hat on a small stool and marching proudly over to one of four long tables filled with boys and girls. the children at that table were banging golden goblets on the table and cheering. Harry felt a surge of resentment that he had not at least been brought to school in time for the start of the proceedings. A tiny man read out the name of another boy who went to the stool, sat down and placed the hat on his head. After a minute the hat shouted out 'Ravenclaw!' and the boy went to sit a another of the tables amid more banging and cheering. At least by the time it was his turn, Harry knew what to do.

'Harry Potter!' A sudden hush descended on the room followed by much whispering as Harry walked to the school and donned the old hat. He was slightly startled to here the hat start talking to itself.

'Hmm, Mr Potter. Now where will I put you? I think probably Slytherin...'

No!' thought Harry wildly. 'My father will kill me!'

James Potter had often told Harry how horrible Slytherins were and how a great many of them were supporters of Lord Voldemort.

'Sorry, but I have to put you where you best belong,' was the reply Harry heard inside his head, and with that the hat cried out for the whole school to hear,

'SLYTHERIN ! '

'No please, it's a mistake - I can't be in Slytherin ! ' pleaded Harry as he took the hat off his head and looked around wildly, his heartrate feeling like it had doubled. the teacher who had met him marched up to him and said firmly,

'Mr Potter, the Sorting Hat does not make mistakes. Go and sit at your House Table.' And she pushed him in the direction of the table where the blonde boy had marched to when Harry had entered the hall. There was no cheering this time as the students glared at the boy who had expressed displeasure at joining their house. Harry sat down at the end of the table. Glancing up at the top of the hall where the staff were seated he noticed an pale faced dark haired teacher looking extremely angry. Harry knew from his father's description that this was Professor Snape, head of Slytherin and wished that he had been placed anywhere else. Anold wizard who was obviously Headmaster Dumbledore seemed to be looking rather self satisfied. Not for the first time, Harry felt a surge of hatred towards him and wondered if he had possibly fixed his sorting. The remainder of the cermony passed in a blur and after Dumbledore spouted some trivial piece of nonsense the tables filled with food. Harryonly half filled his plate, his appetite having deserted him. No one talked to him, as if there had been an unspoken agreement that he was unworthy of his housemates attention. After the feast was over he barely heard the headmaster's speech and sat silently as the rest of the school sang a stupid song to many different tunes. At last one of the elder boys told the first years to follow him, and soon Harry found himself in a dormitory in Slytherin Dungeon with four other boys. the fair haired one spoke up.

So, the famous Harry Potter doesn,t think Slytherin good enough for him? Well in that case we don't want anything to do with him, do we boys?' he asked, looking round at the other three boys. They all shook their heads, and at a word from their leader they left the dormitory for the common room. Harry was left on his own to go to bed, wishing that he were still at home, where at least he felt wanted, even if he couldn,t live life to the full. For a long time he lay worrying about what his father would say to him being a Slytherin, until he finally fell into a troubled sleep full of dreams about being disowned and put out onto the streets.

So there it is, chapter 3. I want to know if your reading this, so ... PLEASE REVIEW !


	4. First Day

Disclaimer: I have still not managed to obtain ownership of Harry Potter from J K Rowling.

A few reviews would be nice. But as I'm so generous you can have another chapter.

Trying to Live 

by Willowcharm

Chapter 4: First Day

The next morning Harry woke up to find himself alone in the dormitory. He saw the five empty beds and realised there must be another first year Slytherin boy who hadn't been present the night before. Glancing at his watch he found he would have to hurry if he were to have time for breakfast before lessons started. He dressed quickly and left the dormitory to find the common room deserted also. Fortunately the route from the Great Hall to the dungeons hadn't been too complicated and Harry found his way back up. As he arrived at his table his housemates pointedly ignored him and talked among themselves, so Harry sat at the end seat and helped himself to a slice of toast which he nibbled at slowly. A minute later Professor Snape strode up to the table with a stack of parchment which turned out to be timetables. Starting at the opposite end of the table he handed them out, pausing every now and then to speak to a girl or boy. finally he arrived at Harry and thrust the final sheet at him.

'Mr Potter, ' he began in a low, threatening tone. 'You would do well to remember that I do not take kindly to members of my house making scenes such as you did last night. If anything of the sort ever occurs again you will find yourself serving detention every night for a month. You belong to a noble house and I expect you to uphold the honour of it. Do I make myself clear?'

'Yes, Professor.' replied Harry quietly, feeling scared. Professor Snape said no more and stalked off. Just then, a whole host of owls flew into the hall, and among those headed for the Slytherin table Harry recognised his fathers. His hands shook as he opened the envelope it dropped on his plate and withdrew the letter. Before he had a chance to read it however, everyone started to move out of the hall, and, not wanting to be late for class, Harry followed. He kept behind the group from his own dormitory, guessing that someone had told them where to go. Suddenly he realised that whenever people passed near him there was whispering and muttering, and the words that he could make out w ere not very encouraging.

' I never thought Harry Potter would be a stinking Slytherin.'

' Best keep out of his way.'

'He might be in our house but I'm not going to be his friend.'

Harry knew then that things looked very dismal for him. Three quarters of the school thought he was bad because he was a Slytherin and the rest probably hated him either because he had defeated Voldemort or because he had complained about the Sorting Hat's decision. Great. Soon they came to a classroom and Harry took a seat on his own at the side of the room and waited quietly for the teacher after checking his timetable and discovering that this lesson was History of Magic. Thanks to his father it was no shock to him when a ghostly Professor Binns drifted through the classroom wall though most of the girls let out small screams. The spirit then began to lecture in a monotone and once Harry ascertained that he had already covered the subject with Remus, he pulled out his father's letter and began to read.

_Dear Harry,_

_Firstly, let me make it clear that I still love you and am not about to disown you. The same goes for Remus and Sirius. I know we've always gone on about how horrible and untrustworthy Slytherins are, but there are exceptions to every rule and I like to think that you are one. After all, Peter Pettigrew was a Gryffindor and look what he did. _

Although his father seldom talked about it, Harry knew that Peter Pettigrew was the trusted friend who had betrayed them to Voldemort and brought about his mother's death, condemning Harry to a life in hiding. He continued to read.

_Dumbledore wrote last night to tell me about your sorting. I probably shouldn't say this to you, but he seemed to be remarkably happy about the result. If I didn't know it couldn't be done I'd accuse him of influencing the hat. It's a pity you couldn't have restrained yourself from making your little outburst. I have every sympathy with your feeling s of course, but it's not very clever to let your head of house know you're unhappy about your sorting. Not that Snape would love you much anyway, being my son. I hope that you can still manage to enjoy your time at Hogwarts. It may be hard for you to make friends now, but perhaps in time you'll convince people that you're not such a bad chap. I just feel bad that there's nothing much I can do or say to make things better. Write soon to let me know how things are and feel free to complain - you'll end up demented if you have to bottle your emotions up completely._

_Your loving Dad._

Harry was relieved to find that his father was standing by him and that he was allowed to unburden himself if things got too bad. At the moment he couldn't imagine anyone wanting to befriend him, but he could always hope. As he thought this the bell rang and the class swarmed out of the classroom and headed towards Professor McGonagal's classroom for transfiguration. Harry felt a thrill of excitement. Although Remus had made him study lots of magical theory, Harry had not been allowed to try any spells at all. Finally he was going to be able to do some real magic. He had of course done the odd thing by accident when he was very young, and there had been the time a couple of years ago when he had thought it had been a good idea to pinch Remus' wand when his back had been turned. Somehow Remus had ended up with his hands glued to the table for three hours before James had returned home. Sizing up the situation immediately James had made a beeline for Harry and in no time had turned him over his lap and spanked him soundly until Remus had begged his friend to stop so that he could free him. After that episode Harry didn't dare touch a wand again.

The first thing Professor McGonagall did was to give a lecture on behaviour in her classroom. Then she gave a talk on the theory of simple transfiguration. Finally she provided matchsticks for everyone and instructed them to try to change them into needles. The fair haired boy tried first, confidently saying the spell and was rewarded by seeing the end of his matchstick go silvery and pointy.

'Not bad at all, Mr Malfoy,' the teacher proclaimed and she awarded him five points for Slytherin. Then everyone else was trying at once but with little success. Harry raised his own wand, said the spell and was astounded to see his matchstick transform into a perfect needle.

'Well, well, Mr Potter. Excellent work! Twenty points for Slytherin.' And the stern teacher favoured Harry with a smile. For the first time since arriving at Hogwarts Harry felt a little bit happy. Judging from the looks the rest of his house gave him they weren't going to be impressed by Harry gaining them points. But Harry decided that he would just have to manage without friends for a while and concentrate on enjoying his classes and learning to be a great wizard. Perhaps one day he would truly be able to live life to the full. He headed off to lunch and finding that sandwiches were on the menu, he grabbed a couple and took them outside to eat.

Harry was wandering down towards a massive lake when he was approached by an immense specimen of a man. He knew at once that this must be Hagrid the gamekeeper, whom his father always spoke of with affection, if not respect.

'Well, well, if it isn't James Potter's little one at last' he said warmly. 'Come along to my hut an' I'll get yeh a cup o' tea or summat.'

Harry followed willingly, pleased to hear a friendly voice. Hagrid led him to his hut and ushered him inside and onto an enormous armchair.

'Yer dad wrote this morning' and asked if I'd keep an eye out for yer.' Hagrid said. 'Seemed ter think yer could do wi a friendly face.'

Harry looked at his feet, embarrassed. Hagrid poured two enormous cups of tea and handed one over.

'Listen,' he went on. 'Yeh've done nothing' wrong. I don' like most Slytherins meself, but I know no son o' James Potter could be bad. But there's a lot o' prejudice about and if yeh're havin' a hard time then yeh need someone ter speak to. So come ter me any time right? Now 'ow about I walk yer back up ter the school an' show yer where yer next class is?'

'Okay.' Harry smiled and got up. It felt great to know that there was one person at least in the school he could count on as a friend even if it wasn't another student. Hagrid led Harry back to school and left him close to the Defence Against Dark Arts classroom. This class turned out to be pretty useless. Professor Quirrell was a nervous man who wore a turban on his head and stuttered his way through a lecture on werewolves. Since his tutor was a werewolf there wasn't much Harry didn't know about them. He listened instead to the whispered conversation Draco Malfoy was having with one of his friends. Apparently someone had broken into a high security vault at Gringotts Bank recently although nothing had been taken.

The final class of that day was Charms, where once again Harry excelled and earned another fifteen house points. He hoped that this would make Professor Snape less hostile towards him. Though if he were anything like his housemates it wouldn't make a lot of difference. After class Harry wandered about on his own for a while before making his way to dinner. He ate quickly and returned to his dormitory, preferring to be alone rather than with those who didn't like him. He completed the homework they'd been given so far, then went to sleep, this time not quite so troubled.

_So that's Harry's first day over. If you like it please review. And if you don't, still review._


	5. Alone and Miserable

Disclaimer: As always, Harry Potter is the property of J K Rowling.

_Thank you to my reviewers. As a reward for reviewing you get a new chapter._

Trying To Live

By Willowcharm

Chapter 5: Alone and Miserable

The next day was a disaster. It started off well enough with another boring History of Magic lesson, but then came Potions class, which, it turned out, they had with the Gryffindors. Harry got to the classroom early and took a seat at one of the double desks. The rest of the class arrived soon after and paired up together until only one Gryffindor boy remained to be seated. Harry sighed to himself when he realised that the boy was still standing because the only seat remaining was beside himself.

'What are you waiting for? Sit!' The menacing voice of Professor Snape came from the classroom door. The red headed boy reluctantly took the place beside Harry. Then The teacher spoke again.

'Let me make this quite plain, Mr Weasley. When I enter this classroom I expect every student to be seated. Five points from Gryffindor. ' Draco Malfoy sniggered.

'Potter!' snapped Professor Snape. 'Tell me where I would find a bezoar. '

'The stomach of a goat , Sir.' replied Harry quietly, mentally thanking Remus for making him study his textbooks before school started.

'Correct.' The Slytherin head sounded almost disappointed that Harry had got it right. He carried on. 'Today you will be making a simple potion to cure boils. The instructions are on the blackboard and the ingredients in the cupboard. Begin.'

The potion was a simple enough one to make, although Neville Longbottom from Gryffindor Quickly managed to melt his cauldron. Harry's problem was that his partner Ron Weasley had no intention of cooperating with Harry and kept trying to put the wrong ingredients in. Eventually the inevitable happened and the contents of the cauldron exploded. Fortunately Harry had anticipated this and pulled Ron away so that they were untouched by the mixture.

'Twenty points from Gryffindor Mr Weasley and detention for you, Mr Potter. Now clean up that mess!' Harry knew then that his head of house was quite capable of favouring Slytherin and being unfair to him at the same time. Knowing that complaining would be worse than useless he cleaned up. By the time the mess was away the bell rang. Professor Snape dismissed the class after assigning a large amount of homework and ordering Harry to return to the classroom at six o' clock for his detention.

After Potions they were due to go down to the quidditch pitch for flying lessons. As it turned out, the Slytherins and Gryffindors were once again to share the class. On arriving at the grassy pitch they were met by a stockily built bossy teacher and a long row of broomsticks.

'Pathetic,' sneered Malfoy. 'These models were old when my father was a boy.'

Harry mentally agreed with this opinion, but said nothing, standing quietly beside a broomstick when Madam Hooch gave the order. As he expected the broomstick leapt into his hand when he said up!'. Just as he was about to follow the order to rise a few feet the clumsy Neville Longbottom shot up too far, fell off and crashed to the ground. Madam Hooch got him to his feet and led him away, warning everyone else to remain on the ground.

No sooner was the teacher out of sight than Malfoy pounced on a glass ball that Neville had dropped. Ron Weasley demanded it back, but Malfoy mounted his broomstick and flew fifty feet into the air . Not stopping to think, Harry followed.

'Give it back!' he demanded.

'You're a disgrace to your house, Potter,' was the reply. Without warning Malfoy raised his arm and threw the glass ball away. Harry shot after it, diving down and catching it just before it smashed into the ground. It was snatched from his hand immediately by Ron Weasley, who snarled,

'Gryffindors don't need help from slimy Slytherins!'

Harry turned away from Weasley only to find Professor Snape bearing down on him. He had a feeling nothing good was about to happen, and he was right.

'So, Mr Potter. Think the rules don't apply to you? Very well. You are banned from any flying whatsoever for the remainder of this year. Perhaps that will teach you to obey orders.' Harry waited in vain for a similar fate to befall Malfoy. The teacher merely told the class they were dismissed and strode away.

Harry's misery was heightened at teatime when from his lonely seat at the end of the table he overheard Malfoy telling his best friends Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle that Professor Snape had recommended him for the Slytherin quidditch team.

'He said I show a remarkable talent,' he was saying proudly. 'It's very rare for a first year to be chosen for his house team.'

Harry thought of all the times he had talked with his dad about getting onto the Gryffindor team. Now the prospect of ever playing quidditch at school seemed remote. No longer hungry, he left the table. He thought of writing home, but there was nothing that his father would be able to do to help and Harry didn't want to look weak by complaining so soon into the term. So he wandered the school until six o' clock when he returned to Snape's classroom to be ordered to scrub desks for three hours. By the time he was released Harry's right arm ached and he just wanted to go to bed and forget his troubles for a while.

The following morning Harry was the first to wake up in his dormitory. It was Saturday, and Harry had thought of a way to escape the taunts that seemed to follow him wherever he went. He dug out his father's cloak from his trunk and stashed it under his robe. Then he silently left the room and went down to the Great Hall for breakfast. After a hurried meal he decided to go and visit Hagrid. However, when he arrived at Hagrid's hut he heard voices and on further investigation found that Ron Weasley and a Gryffindor girl, Hermione Granger were inside.

'He had a cheek, trying to interfere,' Ron was saying. 'Serves him right that Snape banned him from flying.'

'Nah, Harry's a good sort.' Harry was pleased that Hagrid was standing up for him. 'And that Malfoy shouldna ha' got on the team. Now lets talk about summat else. Are you gonna cause me as much trouble as yer brothers Fred an' George, Ron?'

Harry turned away, disappointed that the one person he felt he could turn to at Hogwarts was unavailable. He made sure no one was around to see and slipped on his invisibility cloak. He re-entered the castle and was pleased to find he could walk around without having to listen to comments about how evil he must be to have been sorted into Slytherin. After several minutes he came across Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape.

'Really, Severus,' said the depute headmistress. 'Was it necessary to ban the boy from flying? And what about Malfoy? Surely he broke the rules just as much? Why should he be rewarded with a place on the team?'

'I am quite capable of disciplining my own students .' replied Snape smoothly. 'Mr Malfoy shows exceptional talent. It would be a crime to waste it.' And he stalked off in another direction.

'Yes, and it's a crime to treat poor little Harry the way you do.' muttered McGonagall as she too walked away, not realising that Harry himself had heard her. Harry wandered aimlessly for a while until he found himself up in the deserted owlery. He went over to the window and stood looking out. Although it was nice that McGonagall sympathised with him he hardly felt that he could approach her. Hagrid was busy making friends with other students and he, Harry, was left alone. So much for his dreams. Maybe if things didn't improve his dad would let him leave and be educated at home. At this point in his thoughts Harry was interrupted by the entrance of two boys into the owlery. Silently, Harry made his way into the far corner.

'If you ask me, Fred, Snape's done us a favour.' one of the boys was saying. 'Seamus said Potter was pretty amazing.'

'Yeah, George,' replied the other. 'And Malfoy's only a chaser. Potter would have been a seeker and since we don't have a decent one Slytherin would have been certain to trounce us with Potter on the team. Without him we've a chance.'

So these must be Weasley's brothers that Hagrid was talking about, thought Harry. They sounded quite nice, actually. Or maybe that was just because he was flattered by what they were saying. Not particularly bothered about eavesdropping, Harry listened in as they turned to other matters.

'So, do you think we've any chance of pulling it off?' asked Fred.

'Nah,' said George. 'There's no way we could do it and not risk being seen.'

'But risk makes it more fun.

'With any other teacher, perhaps. But Snape can get pretty nasty.'

Harry was getting extremely curious about what they were plotting, but Fred and George had evidently decided to abandon their plan and left the owlery. After a few minutes he also left, after removing his cloak, and returned to his now deserted dormitory. He felt more alone than ever now. Witnessing the camaraderie between the twins made him yearn more than ever for something of the same sort for himself. But here he was, only a few days into his school life and he was alone and miserable.

_End of chapter. Aren't I nice to Harry? Perhaps things will improve, but then again, perhaps not. Don't forget to review. _


	6. A Mirror and a Prank

Disclaimer: I keep trying but I still don't own J K Rowling's Harry Potter.

AN: _I won't be making comments on most individual reviews but rest assured that I do read them and appreciate them- even the ones that criticise. I know Harry has a hard time in this fic but what do you expect with angst as one of the genres? There will be the odd break for Harry but don't expect too much!_

Trying to Live

By Willowcharm

Chapter 6: A Mirror and a Prank

As the days and then weeks started to slip by, Harry spent more and more of his free time underneath his invisibility cloak, wandering the halls and grounds. He'd written home a couple of times saying that things were fine. He didn't like lying to his father, but he knew that he was about to go abroad to do something important for Professor Dumbledore whom he worked for and thought it better not to worry him. A couple of times Hagrid had been alone when Harry had gone down to his hut and they had had a cup of tea together. But more often than not Weasley and Granger were there before him. They seemed to be forever pestering Hagrid about the break in at Gringotts Bank that summer. One of Harry's favourite occupations became following Fred and George Weasley at a distance. They seemed to enjoy life so much and had such fun planning mischief together that Harry almost felt that he was joining in with them. Sometimes he almost made up his mind to reveal himself and beg them to accept him as a friend, but then he thought that they might reject him because he was a Slytherin and his courage always failed.

In most lessons he was doing well. When they were working individually in Potions he was okay as well. Otherwise it depended on his partner. The other Slytherins paired off together which meant that Harry always had to go with a Gryffindor. It appeared that the Gryffindors had an arrangement to take turns at the unpleasant chore of working with Harry. Hermione Granger was so desperate to get perfect marks that she caused no trouble. Neville Longbottom was so terrified of blowing things up he let Harry do all the work and that was fine too. But Ron Weasley and one or two others made no attempt to work properly with Harry and the result was usually points from Gryffindor and a detention for Harry.

Flying lessons were pure torture. Harry was forced to walk down to the quidditch pitch and sit on the sidelines watching, while all the rest of the Gryffindor and Slytherin first years mounted their broomsticks and rose skywards, gaining height and speed as they acquired more skill and confidence. During these lessons Harry longed for home more than ever and was grateful for his father having relented about his punishment on his birthday.

One evening as Harry was wandering unseen through the corridors he tripped over Mrs Norris, a particularly nasty cat, belonging to the particularly nasty caretaker, Mr Filch. Within seconds the bitter old man could be heard coming close and Harry quickly slipped through a classroom door which had been left ajar and closed it. He stood with his back to the door , holding his breath until Filch evidently decided that the miscreant had got away. He was just about to leave when his curiosity was aroused by a huge ornate mirror standing at the front of an otherwise empty and decrepit room.

Discarding the invisibility cloak, Harry made his way to the mirror to investigate it. He was astonished to see reflected in it not only himself, but many others. It looked in fact, as if a big party was being held, with Harry the centre of attention and having all the fun in the world.

'Maybe this mirror shows the future ,' thought Harry to himself, and he continued to stare at the spectacle before him for a long time. Only when he found his eyes closing involuntarily did he put his cloak back on and make his way to bed.

Every night for the next week Harry returned to the room with the mirror to drink in the sight of himself having fun. He found he could not resist the hope it gave him that one day he would have as many friends as others of his own age. Then one night as he sat crossed legged on the floor and prepared to dream he heard a slight cough behind him. Startled, he turned to see Professor Dumbledore standing there.

'Harry, my boy, ' the old man said ,softly, but with a note of firmness. 'I know that you have been coming here this past week to gaze at the delights of the Mirror of Erised. But this mirror shows only the deepest, most secret desires of your heart. It does not promise that these things will come true. I am going to move this mirror to another location tonight and I must ask you not to try to find it again. Concentrate on living, and do not dwell on impossible dreams, Harry. '

Harry felt an acute sense of loss on hearing the true purpose of the mirror. But this fast changed to anger at the headmaster's last words. Forgetting any respect that was due and all his father's lessons on not whining about what could not be helped he spat out,

'Yeah, well my impossible dreams happen to BE OF LIVING!' The last words were practically screamed. 'You've made my father keep me home without friends all my life , and then you don't even let me go shopping for my school stuff , and then I can't get the school train like all the others, and now I'm stuck in a house where everyone hates me and the rest of the school hates me because I'm in that house. I've only ever wanted to live a normal life and now you tell me it's an impossible dream. Thanks a bunch!'

In tears now, Harry pushed past Dumbledore and fled the room, flinging the cloak over himself as he went. He ran up to the owlery where he spent a long time in tears before eventually returning to the dungeons and bed.

After that Harry reverted to his pastime of tailing Fred and George Weasley whenever possible. They seemed to have a never ending supply of joke products and often laid traps for unsuspecting victims. And teachers were not always exempt from their attentions. Harry was fascinated one day to see Professor Flitwick, the charms teacher walking down a corridor with his hat floating two inches above his head. Suddenly he seemed to sense something was amiss and put his hand up to tug it back down, but as soon as his hand was away the hat rose again. Harry was hard pressed not to burst out laughing but managed somehow.

Another night found the twins down in the dungeons. Harry held his breath in astonishment as he watched the troublemakers set up a trap right outside Professor Snape's office door and then hide round a corner. Much as he loved the idea of Snape getting covered in red pain the couldn't help but think that the twins were playing with fire. As indeed they were. The office door opened and the pot of paint fell down , unfortunately missing its victim. The Slytherin head must have had a sixth sense because he strode furiously straight in the direction of Fred and George who would have no chance of escaping, Harry knew. Thinking quickly, he started to run himself , but in the opposite direction , making as much noise as possible and darted inside the Potions classroom. As he had hoped, Professor Snape changed course at the sound of Harry's flight and went after him. He stepped inside the room where Harry was standing flat against the wall holding the invisibility cloak tightly around himself. Seeing no one, Snape made a sound of pure fury and stalked away. Harry let out a long breath and waited a full ten minutes before returning to his dormitory to catch up on homework.

One Saturday afternoon some days later Harry sat on a wide windowsill on the sixth floor of the castle gazing out at the skies. The first quidditch match had been taking place and Harry had not felt any desire to cheer on his house against Hufflepuff. He remained where he was as teatime approached, preferring to avoid the inevitable taunts about being a traitor to Slytherin. Lost in his own thoughts, he failed to hear the approach of two boys behind him and was totally unprepared when a hand was placed over his mouth and a wand pressed into his back.


	7. Friends

Trying to Live 

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter I would not be writing fan fiction.

Chapter 7 Friends

'Get up and walk.' Harry instantly recognised the voice as belonging to either Fred or George. Not having any choice he did as he was told and allowed himself to be nudged forwards, wondering how on earth the twins had managed to find him when he was wearing his father's cloak. Soon he found himself being turned sideways and through a door which led , as it turned out into a fairly spacious cupboard. Once the three of them were inside Harry was forced into a sitting position at the back of the cupboard by George, while Fred sat himself down against the door to prevent any chance of Harry escaping.

'Care to show yourself then , young Harry?' asked Fred , his voice betraying no emotion. Reluctantly , Harry shrugged off his cloak.

'Wow! Is that what I think it is?' George sounded awed.

'It's my dad's old invisibility cloak,' admitted Harry, hoping the boys weren't about to try and take it from him.

'How about we get to the point?' demanded Fred. 'For instance, Harry, why have you been following us everywhere?'

Harry went red. He didn't know how to admit the reasons for his actions without seeming pathetic he settled for stalling.

'I wasn't doing you any harm,' he mumbled.

'We know you haven't done anything ,' said George slowly. 'In fact you even helped us out the other day when we did that paint thing with Snape. Which was purely done to test you by the way. I hope you realise that we would never seriously consider playing a pathetic trick like that. But what we want to know is why you , a Slytherin , would want to follow us around all the time and even help us out of a tight spot.'

Harry made up his mind. Fred and George didn't sound angry with him and just maybe they would be sympathetic to his situation. So he started telling them about how lonely he was and the restrictions placed on him all his life. Once he started he didn't seem able to stop and it was some time before his story was finished. There was silence for a minute when he did at last stop. Then George spoke up.

'Why didn't you tell us you wanted to be our friend?'

'You might have said no.' replied Harry. 'And if I was your friend the other Gryffindors would give you a hard time because all Slytherins are supposed to be evil.'

'Your right,' agreed Fred. 'It really wouldn't do for us to be seen to be friends with you.' Harry stood up and started towards the door, disappointed but not really surprised.

'Wait!' Harry stopped at Fred's command. 'You misunderstand.'

'Yes,' put in George. 'It really wouldn't do for us to be _seen_ to be friends with you.'

'After all,' went on Fred. 'Think of the advantages of an unknown helper for some of our, er, activities.'

A glimmer of hope stirred deep within Harry. 'You mean.. you mean…' he stuttered.

'Of course we mean, my dear chap.' said George. 'Now, you must understand that we're not ashamed to be your friend.'

'Certainly not!' added Fred. 'But secrecy can be a valuable commodity and with that and your cloak you will be an invaluable aid to us.'

'But don't think we just want you for helping with mischief,' reassured George. 'We think you're a fine chap and are proud to accept you as a friend.'

Although much of the twins' speech was delivered in a fake pompous manner, Harry recognised the real sincerity behind their words and was overwhelmed. It was hard to take in after all the weeks of loneliness. There was one thing perplexing him however.

'Er, can I ask you er, how you er, I mean how you knew I was er…'

'I think, Fred, that what Harry is getting at, is how we knew he was tailing us. What shall we tell him?'

Fred considered his brother's question and made a decision.

'Harry, I'm afraid we can't divulge that little secret just yet. But rest assured we shall tell you one day. Now its getting late, so I suggest you return to the dungeons and meet us here in three days time at eight thirty. Okay?'

'Okay.' And Fred moved away from the door to allow Harry out. Harry donned his cloak again and returned to the dungeons, and bed. Sleep was a long time coming to him due to the fact that he was so excited at finally having some real friends even if they were two years ahead of him. Finally he dozed off though and fell into a truly restful slumber.

Back up in the cupboard Fred and George were discussing their newest aid to troublemaking.

'Poor wee fellow.' Fred shook his head sadly. 'How on earth did he get into Slytherin?'

'Perhaps because he likes spying on people hidden under an invisibility cloak?' George sounded amused. 'Slytherins are known for their cunning after all. It's our duty to make sure young Harry uses his talents for good not evil.'

Good mischief, that is,' grinned Fred and pulled out two bottles of butterbeer from his robe. 'Let's have a toast to our new friend, Harry Potter.'

'To Harry Potter!' cried the twins in unison, and they drained the bottles in one gulp before they too returned to their dormitories and bed.

_I know this chapter's short, but that's just where it decided to end itself. And haven't I been good? A whole chapter and nothing mean happening to Harry! Don't forget to thank me by reviewing._

_Willowcharm_


	8. Quirrel

Trying to live

By Willowcharm

Disclaimer: Me no own Harry. Boo Hoo!

Chapter 8: Quirrel

Harry's friendship with the twins swiftly blossomed. After meeting once more in the broom cupboard Fred and George showed Harry a Secret passageway they had discovered in their first year. Although it had recently caved in, there was room enough there for the three to meet there comfortably and it quickly became their 'headquarters'. Harry didn't need much persuasion to help Fred and George carry out their jokes and consequently the teachers were flummoxed as to who the culprits were as Harry would often execute the plans under cover of his cloak while Fred and George were in full view of a teacher or two.

Christmas was only a week or two away now, and Harry had hoped to be going home for the holiday. His hopes were dashed however when his father wrote to say that his work for Dumbledore would keep him abroad until after new year. After reading this Harry sneaked off to the hideaway to brood. He hadn't been there long when the twins entered.

'Why so sad , little Harrykins?' Harry smiled a little at Fred addressing him like a baby and told the boys his news.

'Well we're stuck here too.' said George. 'Our dear parents are visiting Big Brother Charlie in Romania and can't afford to take us too. And at least you don't have Perfect Prefect Percy ordering you about in your common room. '

'No, I just get the Slimy Slytherin Snakes all the time.'

'Come on, cheer up. How about we plan that super duper prank on Professor Snape to take place over the festive period.'

Fred's words set them all thinking. Ever since the paint incident they had been determined to play a really good joke on Snape, but so far they had been unable to think of anything even with the possibility of using Harry's cloak. After almost half an hour however the perfect plan still eluded them and they parted ways promising that they would all put their minds to it.

Three days before Christmas though, something happened which took all thoughts of jokes from Harry's mind. Fred and George had thought it amusing to bewitch a few snowballs to follow Professor Quirrel around, bouncing off the back of his turban. Harry happened to be beside him when he stumbled after one of the icy objects discarded a lump of ice down the back of his robe . Quirrel grabbed Harry for support but suddenly screamed in agony as his hand touched Harry's wrist.

Harry hardly had time to register what was going on. The teachers turban fell off and Harry was astounded to see an extra face on the back of his head. A face with extremely evil looking red eyes.

'Kill him!' And without hesitating Quirrel grabbed Harry around his neck and started to choke him. But even as he did so he screamed in agony and Harry guessed that for some reason it hurt Quirrel to touch him and brought his own hands up to try and prise away his professor's larger ones. As Harry fought he wondered how someone so evil could have got into Hogwarts as a teacher but he was slowly losing strength and had to give up thinking of anything but surviving. Eventually Quirrel fell back and collapsed and the last thing Harry saw before losing consciousness was a red smoke like haze emerging from the teachers head and disappearing.

When Harry awoke it was to find himself in what he realised must be the hospital wing. Professor Dumbledore was sitting in an extremely large and squishy armchair beside his bed.

'Ah , Harry ! How nice to see that you have rejoined us in the land of the living. I feel I have let you down by allowing a teacher in the school who was possessed by Lord Voldemort. He was of course planning on stealing the Philosopher's Stone which I had brought here for safe keeping. But you needn't worry about that. Its creator Nicholas Flamel Has decided to have it destroyed. He does not want to risk Voldemort gaining immortality from it.'

Harry listened apathetically to what he classed as the headmaster's ramblings. He felt weak and tired, and the only voice he wanted to hear at this time was his father's.

'Where's Dad?'

There was silence. After about fifteen seconds Harry raised his eyes to look at the headmaster and saw that his face looked extremely grave. He asked again , trying to keep his voice from betraying the panic he was starting to feel.

'Where's my dad?'

Dumbledore was still silent but that didn't matter because another voice answered Harry's question.

'Your father, Mr Potter, has gone missing while attempting to carry out his assignment for the headmaster. He has been declared dead by the ministry.'

'No!'

After his one scream of denial Harry jumped out of his bed and pushed past both the headmaster and Snape. Ignoring the protests of Madam Pomfrey the school nurse who tried in vain to stop him he burst through the door and ran blindly through corridors and up stairs, until finally he opened a door at random and found himself in the broom cupboard where he had first made friends with Fred and George. He slammed the door shut and collapsed sobbing to the floor.

Some time after exhaustion overtook him and he fell asleep on the hard floor the door opened softly. Two sober faced boys came into the tiny room and soon Harry was lying with his head on Fred Weasley's lap While George placed his cloak over the boy to keep him warm. They sat there for hours, the twins silent, appalled at the tragedy that had visited there younger friend. Their efforts to keep Harry undisturbed were only thwarted when the voice of the caretaker Filch came through into the room.

'He might be in here. Professor. My cat can certainly sense something.'

Harry stirred and as he started to sit up Fred put an arm around his shoulders.

'Out of my way!'

The three boys barely had time to recognise the voice before the door burst open and Professor Snape strode into the broom cupboard.


	9. Christmas Day

Disclaimer: Still hers not mine.

Thanks to reviewers but please can I have some more? Apologies to those who don't like Harry having such a hard time but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Trying to Live

_by Willowcharm_

Chapter 9: Christmas Day

Harry felt the arm around his shoulder tense. Professor Snape's eyebrows rose slightly on seeing the two older boys as well as Harry but he wasted no time in commenting on them.

'The headmaster wishes to speak with you in his study, Potter. Come.'

'I don't want to see him.' Harry's resentment toward the old man which had been smouldering for much of his young life was quickly growing into hate. He could not believe how he had chatted so cheerily about Quirrrel and Voldemort when he had known that Harry's world was about to be shattered. Snape might be horrible and unfair but at least he wasn't like Dumbledore.

'Mr Potter, the matter is not up for negotiation. Follow me.' Snape turned toward the door, totally ignoring the presence of the twins and after a last brief hug from Fred, Harry followed. After a few minutes they arrived at a stone gargoyle which stepped aside when Snape snapped 'Sherbert Lemon' at it. A quick trip up a moving Spiral staircase and they were at a heavy wooden door. The potions master rapped sharply and pushed the door open , motioning for Harry to enter.

'Ah, thank you Severus. Now, Harry, I believe we need to discuss a few things, including your guardianship, for one. Yes, Severus, you may go.' Dumbledore gave Snape permission for the thing he was in the very process of doing anyway.

'No! Please don't leave me alone with him!' Harry went red at the thought of whining like a five year old to Snape, but much as he hated him, he couldn't bear the thought of being alone with the headmaster. Although he doubted that Snape would want to stay. But Dumbledore settled the matter.

'Actually, Severus, perhaps as Harry's head of house you should stay to support him in his time of trouble. Do take a seat. You too, Harry.'

Harry sat in the nearest chair. He felt like cringing. He could not imagine Snape wanting to 'support' the one student in his house whom he hated. And from his expression, Snape was thinking along the same lines as he reluctantly turned away from the door and took a seat. But now the headmaster's first words were beginning to penetrate Harry's brain.

'Professor, Sirius and Remus are my guardians now. Dad told me that if anything ever happened to him then they would take care of me.'

'Harry,' began the headmaster sadly. 'I'm afraid things are not a simple as that. You see, Sirius was not as good as friend of your father's as we had all thought. Other than myself he was the only person who knew of your father's mission for me. Only he could have betrayed his whereabouts to Voldemort's supporters. He has been arrested and sentenced to life in Azkaban. As a werewolf, Remus is not a suitable guardian for you. So I have contacted your late mother's sister, and she and her family have agreed to have custody of you and you will go to them when the summer holidays come.'

' Your lying!' Harry stood up so quickly that the chair shot backwards behind him. 'Sirius would never do that! And there's nothing wrong with Remus! I can't go to the Dursleys. Dad told me they hate magic and told Mum they never wanted anything to do with her ever again when she married Dad. Please, I need to stay with Sirius and Remus.'

Harry was getting increasingly hysterical as he spoke and at a glance from the headmaster Professor Snape withdrew a vial from his robes and grabbed Harry, forcing the contents down his throat in an expert manner. Harry instantly calmed down, though tears were now falling down his cheeks and Snape pushed him back down into his chair.

'Harry,' continued Dumbledore. 'There is no doubt that Sirius is to blame for your father's death. The Ministry of magic is not prepared to allow a werewolf to have guardianship of you, and indeed, they have banned Remus from so much as contacting you. Your Aunt Petunia and her husband have agreed to take you into their own family. I'm sure that they will treat you just as if you were their own. Now, you may not have realised it yet, but this is Christmas Day and Dinner is just about to be served in the Great Hall. Why don't you allow Professor Snape to escort you down there?'

In his slightly drugged state Harry could not find the strength to protest, although the last thing he wanted was to celebrate. So he allowed himself to be propelled through the castle by his head of house and soon found himself seated in his usual place at the bottom of the Slytherin table. He barely registered the entrance of Dumbledore and his cheery remarks, and when the food appeared he listlessly put a few random items on his plate. All around the hall people were pulling Wizards' Crackers put even if someone had offered to pull one with him Harry had no heart for it. The calming potion was beginning to wear off and when Harry picked at his food it seemed to choke him. The thought that he wasn't even going to be able to owl Remus seemed to be all he could think about- that, and the thought that his beloved godfather was in prison for a crime he hadn't committed. In spite of Dumbledore's insistence, Harry would not believe that Sirius had betrayed his dad.

Eventually Harry couldn't take any more. He pushed his plate away , left the table and ran from the Great Hall. He headed straight for the front doors and once outside in the snow he continued running, not paying much attention to where he was actually going until he ran into some sort of building. Brought up short, he realised that it was the shed where all the school brooms were stored. HE yanked the door open, grabbed the nearest broomstick, and was soon flying round the quidditch pitch as fast as the old thing would allow . He flew for ages, the icy wind stinging his tear stained face, wishing that he would wake up and find himself back home with his dad and Sirius and Remus. But it wasn't a dream, and his flight was interrupted not by Harry waking up, but by some spell which seemed to reach out and pull his broomstick back down to the ground. Dismounting, Harry discovered that his captor was none other than Professor Snape.

Only then did Harry realise that he had broken the ban imposed by Snape after the first flying lesson. Not that he really cared. A few detentions were nothing compared with the loss of his father and friends.

Snape said nothing just then, but took the broom and flung it into the shed. After closing the door he put a hand on Harry's collar and pushed him back towards the castle. Harry's tears returned as he remembered his father treating him in a similar fashion on his birthday. Harry was expecting to be taken to Snape's office, or perhaps back to the headmaster, but to his surprise the Slytherin head led him to the hospital wing. He said nothing at all to Harry, but pushed him to a bed.

'Goodness me! ' Madam Pomfrey sounded horrified. 'The boy's half frozen! Well, we'll have to do something about that. It's all right, thank you Professor Snape. I can manage fine myself. And before Harry knew it, Snape had left and the nurse was pouring potions down Harry's throat and tucking him in to a warm bed. She said little, but did make a comment about Harry's stupidity in flying on such a cold day, and without even a cloak. Once Harry was securely tucked in, she produced a final potion, and when that was swallowed it sent Harry into a deep sleep.


	10. Hope

Disclaimer: All things Harry Pottery belong to J K Rowling.

Trying to Live

_By Willowcharm_

Chapter 10: Hope

For the second time Harry awoke in the hospital wing with Professor Dumbledore sitting beside him in a squishy armchair. But as soon as he saw the headmaster Harry turned to face the other direction and closed his eyes. He wished to have nothing to do with him. After a couple of minutes Harry heard him get up. Sighing deeply, the elderly wizard spoke.

'I cannot force you to listen to me, Harry, but I assure you that whatever I have done has been for your own good. I know things are hard for you, but I implore you to try and make some friends and enjoy your time at school. It disappoints me that so far you appear to have made no friends at all. I shall leave you now, as Professor Snape wishes to speak with you. However, please think about what I have said.

Harry lay still and silent throughout this speech. He felt relieved when he heard the headmaster move away toward the door. But as Dumbledore left, Harry heard another set of footsteps entering the room and he had a feeling that Snape would not stand for him 'playing possum'. He was right.

'Sit up, Mr Potter. I expect my students to look at me when I am speaking to them.' Harry obeyed and Snape continued.

'Firstly, there is the matter of you flagrantly ignoring a punishment I imposed on you. Unfortunately with your current tendency to wallow in self pity I doubt that any further penalty will make any impact on you. I am therefore going to rescind your ban on flying. Rest assured, though that I have the power to reimpose it and I most certainly will if I feel you deserve it.'

Harry was astonished. It was clear from Snape's tone that he still didn't like Harry and even if he wasn't going to punish him he would surely have made it clear that Harry was to stay on solid ground. But he didn't have time to wonder for long because the Potions Master was moving on.

'Secondly, I cannot stop you from making friends with whomsoever you choose, but if you and those two infuriating Gryffindors so much as dream of playing tricks on me your life will not be worth living. Understand?'

'It's hardly worth living now anyway.' The words were spoken almost before Harry had even thought them. He wished he'd kept his mouth shut when Snape bent down and grabbed his shoulders so tightly that it hurt and brought his face to within six inches of Harry's.

'So, Potter. Your mother gives her life for you. Your father goes missing in an attempt to make the world a safer place for you. Are you just going to give up and kill yourself by not having the sense to wear a cloak when you go flying in the freezing cold because you're too busy feeling sorry for yourself? Do you think that would make your parents proud?'

He'd hit hard with that remark. Harry knew that his performance down at the quidditch pitch would have earned him a very sore backside if his father had been around. He looked down, his face turning red. Snape let go of him and turned and left without another word. As soon as he was gone Madam Pomfrey came over

'Now, you may go Mr Potter and do try and look after yourself this time. I have better things to do than look after boys who can't remember to wear a cloak.' Although the words were rebuking, her voice was kind and Harry left quickly to avoid her seeing the tears which threatened once more. Not feeling like going to the Slytherin quarters just then he made his way to the secret passageway where he and the twins had made their headquarters. He was not really surprised to find them sitting there waiting for him.

'Not expelled, then? What did he give you? Lines? Detention?' It was obvious from Fred's question that they knew about his flying trip. Harry told them that Snape had just lifted the ban.

'I don't understand, though. I mean he still obviously hates me. Why would he let me start flying again?'

'I dunno,' said George. 'But you can bet your last knut that he's got some evil plan behind it. He's certainly not well known for taking back punishments.'

'I wish he'd take back some of the punishments he gives us,' added Fred. Harry gave a weak smile and asked the other question that was bothering him.

'Dumbledore thinks I don't have any friends. Why didn't Snape tell him about you two?'

'No idea.' The twins spoke simultaneously as they had a habit of doing at times. Harry laughed, then stopped abruptly. George put an arm around him.

'Come on,' he said. 'It's getting late. Let's get you down to your dungeon.' Harry nodded, grateful for the silent sympathy and allowed the boys to escort him to the stairs leading to his house. It must have been extremely late because there was no sign of anyone at all in the corridors. Soon Harry was safe in his dormitory sleeping soundly.

The rest of the holiday passed slowly. Harry often went up to the owlery to visit Hedwig wishing desperately that he could write to Sirius and Remus. Glad as he was of the Weasley twins' friendship, they couldn't offer him the same feeling of security that his father , godfather and tutor used to. Also, Harry knew that Fred and George had family and friends in Gryffindor and he couldn't expect them to spend all of their time with him.

At last those who had gone home for Christmas returned and lessons started up again. Harry worked harder than he ever had before to keep his mind off his troubles. Fred and George still caused plenty of trouble in the school but Harry didn't feel like joining in though he did persuade them to refrain from trying to prank Professor Snape. He didn't really want to find out what his head of house would do to him if they did.

A lot of the teachers gave their condolences to Harrry. Harry hated this as each time it was as if he were feeling the pain of loss anew. A meeting with Hagrid went especially badly.

'A great pity about yer dad, Harry.' he said. 'I never would've believed it o' Sirius Black ter do a thing like that. I 'ope 'e rots ter death in Azkaban, I do.'

Harry practically exploded.

'Sirius didn't betray my dad! It's a mistake, he'd never ever do a thing like that. I hate you!' And Harry ran off leaving a devastated gamekeeper behind him.

That evening Snape found Harry in the library and escorted him once more to the headmaster's office. Dumbledore tried to excuse Hagrid by telling Harry how fond he had been of James when he was at school but Harry wasn't interested. Nothing would convince Harry of Sirius' guilt and he wasn't about to forgive anyone who wanted his godfather to rot. Eventually Dumbledore gave up and told Harry sternly that he hoped he would start thinking sensibly soon and let him go. To Harry's surprise, Snape was waiting for him when he exited the Headmaster's study.

Harry was escorted silently down to the dungeons and into Professor Snape's office. The teacher closed the door firmly, then turned on Harry.

'It is about time you learned that you cannot expect people to ignore evidence. All the evidence points to Sirius Black having betrayed your father. You yourself may believe whatever you wish, but even if a mistake has been made the only thing that could persuade people of Black's innocence would be your father returning alive from wherever he disappeared to. As that seems unlikely to happen I suggest you refrain from alienating the few friends you appear to have because they believe what any normal person would believe. Of course, if you prefer to have no friends at all, that is your own business. Now get out of my sight.'

That night Harry had trouble getting to sleep. He had liked Hagrid, but he couldn't bear to hear him ranting against Sirius. Why couldn't he be like Fred and George who had at least pretended to believe in Sirius' innocence. Deep down Harry knew that it probably was pretending, but it showed they cared about Harry's feelings. Even Snape, strangely, as Harry knew he had hated Sirus, didn't say outright that he was guilty without doubt. He had never even said, Harry suddenly realised, that his father was dead beyond doubt. He remembered Snape's words in the hospital wing.

'Gone missing.' 'Declared dead by the ministry.'

Could it be that Professor Snape was not totally convinced that James Potter was dead. Harry knew that he wouldn't ask his head of house about the question. But a tiny seed of hope had been planted deep within him. It would be a long time before Harry mentioned this hope to anyone, but it had taken root and the boy drifted off to sleep deciding to try and make the most of his life so that if James Potter ever did return to the world he would have a son to be proud of.


	11. Another Friend

Author's Rant: Thanks to Fanfiction's new hit counter I know there are some of you out there at least looking at my story. However it gets rather depressing when I get so few reviews- an average of 1 per chapter at the time of writing this note. If things don't improve I might just assume that the story is rubbish, no one likes it and there is no point in carrying on. So if you do want more, you know what to do! Now on with what may be the last chapter I write of this fiction.

Trying to Live

_By Willowcharm _

Chapter 11: Another Friend

Having made his decision, Harry started to try and get some enjoyment out of life. He took to slipping down to the quidditch pitch when he knew no one else would be around and flying around on one of the school brooms. They were nothing like his birthday Nimbus of course, but he still loved the feeling of freedom he got from speeding through the air. He also resumed helping Fred and George out with some of their mischief much to their delight. He still insisted of steering clear of pranks on Snape- that would be asking for trouble.

Lessons went on much the same as before. The one exception being that with Quirrel gone, Professor Dumbledore was taking Defence Against Dark Arts for the rest of the year. It couldn't be denied that he was a brilliant teacher, but Harry still resented him and refused to volunteer answers or do any more than the bare minimum of work required. In Potions Professor Snape still gave him the odd unfair detention, but not so many as before. Harry didn't quite know what to make of him. Snape really seemed to dislike him, but for some reason was refraining from being too harsh. Harry didn't think that it was because he felt sorry for him.

At Fred and George's suggestion, when the next quidditch match took place, Harry went to watch it, finding himself a corner of the Slytherin stand away from the rest of his housemates. Gryffindor were playing Slytherin and the twins were beaters on their house team. They had laughingly told Harry to be sure and cheer them on. Harry shuddered to think what Professor Snape would do to him if he carried out their request. Once the match started it was clear that Gryffindor were the better team But neither team seemed to have a decent seeker. Eventually the match was tied, with the Slytherin seeker catching the snitch to offset the enormous lead the Gryffindor chasers had built up. Although he enjoyed watching the match, Harry felt a bit left out because didn't really belong to one of the huge groups of supporters who were cheering and shouting and he was looking rather depressed as he walked back towards the school.

He didn't notice Hagrid approach from behind until the gigantic man put a hand on his shoulder.

'Fancy a cup o' tea in me cabin?' Harry was going to refuse, but seeing the pleading look on the gamekeeper's face shrugged and followed him.

'So did yeh enjoy the match?' They were seated at Hagrid's enormous table with a massive cup of tea each- Harry knew he would never be able to finish it.

'I suppose.'

'Professor Dumbledore's getting' worried 'bout yeh, Harry.' Harry looked up at Hagrid's words. The gamekeeper carried on not noticing the stubborn look that came over Harry's face.

'Everyone needs friends, Harry. if yeh spend too much time on yer own yeh end up like You Know Who. 'E was a bit o' a loner too yeh know.'

Harry snapped. He had thought that maybe he could patch things up with Hagrid, but comparing him with the evil wizard who had murdered his mum and whose followers had possibly killed his dad was too much to take. He flung his cup against the wall of Hagrid's hut and stormed out, saying as he left,

'It's none of his or your business if I decide to have friends or not!'

Fortunately he didn't see anyone as he made his way up to the owlery. Hedwig swooped down to see him, looking as if she expected a delivery to make.

'Sorry girl,' Harry told her. 'I don't have anyone left to write to now.' He wished he could write to Remus. What hurt him most was that the one 'family' member he had left was banned from all contact with him, leaving Harry without a grown up he could trust and confide in. Fred and George were the best friends anyone could ask for but for all their sensitivity they were still only children. Harry continued to stroke his owl softly for some time, then went back to his dormitory, cutting out dinner as he often did when upset.

The weeks started to slip by. Hagrid tried again to invite Harry for tea but he refused. He knew the man meant no harm but Harry couldn't bear to risk hearing more insults about his godfather. So he stuck to the Weasley twins for friends and kept to himself for the rest of the time.

One day just before Easter he encountered a distressed Neville Longbottom jumping along a corridor, both legs stuck firmly together. Recognising the effects of a Leglocker curse - Remus had performed it on him once when he had tried to run out of the room during lesson time - Harry quickly released the boy with the counter curse.

'Thanks.' Neville sounded close to tears. ' Malfoy said he wanted to practise that curse on someone and I couldn't stop him. I shouldn't be in Gryffindor. The hat must have made a mistake.'

'The sorting hat doesn't make mistakes,' Harry said , imitating Professor Mcgonagal . 'Seriously, Neville, your worth ten of Malfoy any day. And be thankful that you don't share a dormitory with him.'

Neville looked as if he were about to reply but just then Ron Weasley arrived on the scene.

'Keep away from Neville, you Slytherin Scum!' Harry was about to move away, not feeling like an argument, but Neville surprised him.

'Harry helped me, Ron.'

'You can't trust a Slytherin, Neville. He was probably going to hex you.' Ron's prejudices were obviously very deep rooted.

'No he wasn't . I want to be his friend, if he'll have me.'

'What? You cannot be serious! A Gryffindor wouldn't be seen dead with a Slytherin.'

'I don't care what house he's in. He's a good person and I'm not ashamed to be seen with him.'

Harry watched this scene with growing amazement. This was proof indeed that the nervous Neville did indeed belong in Gryffindor. Ron's face was growing red in anger but he was prevented from carrying on by the sudden appearance of Fred and George.

'Well said, young Mr Longbottom,' said George. Now suppose we four go off and have some fun together?'

And Harry and Neville were firmly marched away by the twins, given no chance of protesting, leaving Ron gaping like a codfish.

It soon became known all over the school that Harry Potter was friends with Fred and George Weasley and Neville Longbottom. Neville was clearly embarrassed by all the whispered comments but the twins just laughed them off, proving their point that they were quite happy to be known as Harry's friends. And so the Easter holiday started and although the twins and Neville were going home for the break, Harry was happier than he had been for a long time


	12. Quidditch and End of Year

Disclaimer: For the last time, Harry Potter is not mine.

Trying to Live

_By Willowcharm_

Chapter 12: Quidditch and End of Year

The Easter holidays passed reasonably quickly with Harry spending most of the time on the mountains of homework which had been generously donated to them by the teachers in order to prepare them for the end of year tests. As the rest of his dormitory had gone home Harry had the room all to himself and revelled in the peace it gave him. Then, to his enormous pleasure, at breakfast on Easter Sunday the Weasleys family owl, Errol, plummeted down onto his plate under the weight of a large Easter egg filled with homemade fudge. Obviously Fred and George's mother was not against people just because they were in Slytherin.

All too soon school started up again with the teachers working them harder than ever. This did not bother Harry unduly since he was well ahead in most of his classes. He worked steadily and found time to help Neville, who although reasonably intelligent suffered from an extreme lack of confidence.

Two Saturdays into term certain members of Slytherin house cut back on their studying. These were the members of the quidditch team who were determined to win the final match of the season against Ravenclaw. A good win could possibly secure them the house cup. On the Friday night before the match Harry was sitting alone reading in the common room while the rest of his house were either practising or watching the practice. Suddenly Professor Snape stormed into the room. Harry looked up apprehensively trying to think what he might have done to annoy him- not that he needed to do anything at all to anger him, he thought bitterly.

'Potter, get down to the quidditch pitch this minute!'

'Why, Sir? I don't really want to watch the practice.'

'If I tell you to watch the practice you will, you insolent boy.' Snape seemed about to explode with anger at Harry's reply. He went on. 'However, that is not what I am telling you to do. That fool of a seeker Terence Higgs has managed to break his leg in such a manner that it cannot be fully healed by tomorrow. Therefore you are required to take his place. Now get down there and practise with your team on one of the school brooms. I trust you have your own at home? Yes? Then I shall arrange with the headmaster to have it sent here by tomorrow. Now move!'

* * *

'Wake up, Potter!' 

Harry groaned and open his eyes. Malfoy was beside him shaking him awake. He really didn't want to wake up yet. Last night's practice had lasted forever, or so it seemed. But the other boy wouldn't relent.

'Get up and down to breakfast now. Goodness knows why Snape decided to put a disgrace like you on the team but he's done it so you'd better catch that snitch or you'll be sorry.' And with that Malfoy left the room.

Having no choice, Harry dragged himself out of bed, got dressed and made his way down to the Great Hall. He did not know if it were his imagination but the Slytherins already at breakfast appeared to be looking at him with resentment as if he did not deserve to be on their house team. He slowly forced some food down his throat and waited until the team captain, Marcus Flint ordered the team down to the pitch. It seemed like no time before Madam Hooch was telling them to have a fair game and they were mounting their brooms.

Harry's instructions were clear. He was to catch the snitch, but not before they had a forty point lead. Failing to catch it or catching it to early wasn't an option. So Harry kept a careful watch on the score while looking out for the snitch. Slytherin were sixty points up when he spotted it near the bottom of the Ravenclaw goalposts and Harry went into a dive reminiscent of the one which had so enraged his father on his birthday. The Ravenclaw seeker saw him and followed, but too late. Harry caught the snitch and the Slytherin stands erupted. The rest of the team descended to the ground and congratulated each other, but totally ignored Harry who quietly handed the snitch to Madam Hooch and walked away.

He was slowly making his way back to the castle when he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder and he turned round to see Hagrid.

'Yer father would a been proud o' yeh.' the man said gruffly.

Harry shrugged. He knew that he had made a spectacular catch but he didn't feel any pleasure about it. He didn't feel like a part of the team at all and the other players obviously regarded him as unimportant even though he had won the game for him. Not for the first time he wished he were in Gryffindor. He tried to explain something of how he was feeling.

'Dad and I used to talk of how I'd be the best seeker Hogwarts had ever seen. But I was going to be on the Gryffindor team. I don't really feel like part of the Slytherin team. I was only playing because they needed someone quickly.'

Hagrid looked down at the troubled boy.

'Ye did yer best and if the others don't appreciate it properly it's their loss. Yer dad would still o' been proud. Now 'ow about a cup o' tea?'

Harry nodded. Hagrid was a kind man even if he did have a habit of saying things to upset Harry at times. Just as they were entering Hagrid's cabin some voices came from behind.

'Brilliant catch Harry!'

'We ought to hate you for losing us the cup, but we'll let you off this time.'

'Are you having a party to celebrate? Can we join?'

The speakers were Fred and George. Neville Longbottom was behind them, looking slightly scared of Hagrid. Hagrid smiled at them.

'A party! Now that's the best idea I've heard in a long time. Come on in.'

Between them all they managed to cheer Harry up and they had a little party all to themselves in Hagrid's cabin. The idea of tea was abandoned when Fred and George produced some bottles of butterbeer. When he returned at last to the dungeons Harry didn't care about the rest of the team's attitude towards him. He had his friends and that would do him.

Exam time soon came around and Professor Snape made it very clear that anyone failing to get reasonable marks would be in deep trouble. This didn't bother Harry as he was well up to scratch in all subjects. As he expected, he had no trouble at all either in the written papers or the practical tests. Indeed, when the results came out he was top or second top in all subjects, with Hermione Granger the only one to beat him in anything.

Three days before the end of term Professor Snape called Harry into his office to inform him that he would be taking him to his aunt's house by portkey.

'And by the way,' he added, 'Your relatives have made it clear that they will not countenance anything out of the ordinary. Therefore you will leave your owl at Hogwarts. You will not leave her with any of your friends as they cannot be trusted not to let her try to go to you. Is that clear?'

'Yes Professor.' Harry left the office with a heavy heart. He had thought he would at least have had his pet to keep him company during the summer.

The last day came all too soon. Trunks were packed and sent down to the station while Harry's was left alone in the entrance hall. He said a quick goodbye to Fred, George and Neville and then they were away to catch the Hogwarts Express. Once the hall was empty Professor Snape appeared holding an empty potion vial.

'Touch your trunk and take hold of this.' he commanded. Harry did so and they were instantly transported to an over tidy living room where an extremely thin woman, an extremely large man and an even more extremely obese boy were waiting.

'Here is your nephew. I will be back to collect him on September the 1st.' That was all the introduction Snape gave, then he apparated away, leaving Harry to face his family alone.

It was clear from their expressions that they weren't going to fall in love with Harry. Harry realised that his life with them would not be easy. But he was determined about several things.

He was not going to let anyone destroy his spirit.

One day he would make everyone see that his godfather Sirius was innocent.

He would find out the truth about what had happened to his father.

And above all, he would survive.

He had to.

The End

Author's note: Well, there you have it, a completed story. I probably won't be doing any sequels but no promises. My next fic will be something different, but may not appear until after my holiday. Speaking of which- I am going to be out of the country on that all important date, July 16th. And I won't be able to read Half Blood Prince until I get back 10 days later. Perhaps some of you readers will give me consolation in the form of reviews.

A very big thanks to those who have reviewed:

Loonyliveson- extra special thanks go to her for not gloating at the fact that she has about 10 times the number of reviews I have.

Gryffindor16

Shinigami

Jarno

JuMiKu

FantasyChick

Emeraldgold


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